3 people were lining up outside heaven's gate when Jesus explains that each will get a car based on there marriages and how many times they cheated.
The first man walks upto Jesus, Jesus says "You have been with your wife for 6 years and cheated 4times, you will get a skoda"
The second man walks upto Jesus, Jesus says "You have been with your wife 14years and onyl cheated twice so you will get a BMW"
The last man goes upto Jesus, Jesus says "You have been with your wife 31years and never cheated so you will get a Ferrari"
Later that day the first and second men drive past the first who they see sat on the pavement crying so they pull over "Why are you crying"
He says "I've just seen my wife go past in a Nova
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Sorry for the bad language....
There were 3 boys called F Off, S**t and Maners, they were all playing on a road when S**T got ran over, so F Off runs over to the nearest phone box and dials 999, the operator asks what service he would like so he says Ambulance, she then procees to ask the boy his name so he says "F Off", so she said "excuse me, could you tell me your name?", so the boy says "F Off" again. The operator got angry and asked the boy "Where are your maners?" So he said "Over the road picking S**t up"
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1 day a wife was cheating on her husband with another man in here house. So they were both at it and they hear the door open and the husband shout "Hunny, im home" so the man quickly gets up and jumps out of the window. To his fear a local marathon was running past so he quickly joined alogn with them, the man to his left tapped him on his shoulder and asked him "Do you always run knaked" the man replies "Only in the morning" then the man on his right tapped him on his shoulder "So do you always run with a condom on", the man replies "Only when its raining"
Not so funny but oh well, thought I may as well tell them.
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