wgs2005

Hi guys theres prob a similar thread else where but any good jokes about you would like to share to brighten each others days up?

wgs2005

Q) Whats the difference between Clint Eastwood and anal sex?


A) One will make your day, the other will make your hole weak.

opsy

Two blondes living in California were sitting on a bench talking, and one Blonde says to the other, "Which do you
think is farther away... Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida?????"

wgs2005

haha keep em coming

Dirty Fighter

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie.
"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing.

________________________

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags.
I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."

_______________________

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.
On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

__________________

Go here for a selection of free avatars and signatures. If you would like to make a contribution to the album, shoot me a PM. If you would like a custom made one, go here for avatars and here for signatures

codkaz

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

wgs2005

2 snowmen standing in a field, one says to the other "can you smell carrots"

im here all week folks

wgs2005

When i die i wanna die like my grandfather, peacefully in his sleep.

Not screaming and shouting, like the passengers in his car.

ooo tough crowd

wgs2005

Bear walks into bar and says "can i have.................... a beer please"
Bar man replys "why the big paws"

wgs2005

Sorry English folk on here

A Welshman walking across a field see`s a man drinking water from a pool with his hand.

The Welshman shouts "Paid a yfed y dwr, maer gwartheg yn cachi yn y dwr". (Don`t drink the water, its full of cow ****).

The man shouts back "I`m English - speak English, I didn`t understand you".

The Welshman shouts back "Use both hands, you`ll get more in!".

Shoney

A Zen master visiting New York City goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."

The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill.

The vendor puts the bill in the cashbox and closes it. "Excuse me, but where’s my change?" asks the Zen master.

The vendor responds, "Change must come from within
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Shoney

A man enters the hospital for a circumcision. When he comes to after the procedure, he’s perturbed to see several doctors standing around his bed.
“Son, there’s been a bit of a mix-up,” admits the surgeon. “I’m afraid there was an accident, and we were forced to perform a sex-change operation. You now have a vagina instead of a penis.”

“What!” gasps the patient. “You mean I’ll never experience another erection?”

“Oh, you might,” the surgeon reassures him. “Just not yours.”

Shoney

Heres a good link for jokes


Jokes on Maxim :: MAXIM ONLINE ::

name goes here

An old couple are sitting down on their porch seats.
The old man turns to the old women and says: "**** You!"
The old lady looks at the old man and says "**** YOu!"
"**** YOu!" says the old man.
"**** You!" says the old woman.
"This oral sex is a big disappointment" says the old man.

Kaledonia

For making me accidently read that I think you owe me about 40k points mate...


Alrity let me give this a go...

Guy is just married, his friends come to his door and tell him to get his shiat together, they are off to the pub. He tells his wife "ok dear am going to the pub be back later", she walks in the hallway with 2 massive glasses of beer "but you can drink here honey poo!", then walks away.

He looks at his friends and replies to his wife "But dear I can get something to eat there as well, and talk to my friends and stuff", she comes back into the hallway with a tray full of food, top quality chicken etc and sandwiches "but you can also eat here and invite your friends to stay honey poo!"

The guys friends start laughing and the guy gets a lil frustrated, and replies "Darling!!! I can drink, eat stuff, talk and talk dirty like guys do at the pub!!! I gotta go...." His wife comes back into the hallway looking concerned "talking dirty honey poo???? well.... SHUT THE ****ING DOOR, SIT DOWN WITH YOUR ****ING BEER AND FRIENDS AND EAT SOMETHING, YOUR NOT GOING TO THE ****ING PUB GOT IT???

The guy is owned.

__________________
"There is no shame in poverty

He who gives his utmost for his goal is a noble person"

- Choi Baedal

wgs2005

Good work folks.

Whats up Kale not a lover of that joke are you mate haha

KungFuGrip

Three guys walked into a Bar

The fourth one ducks.

__________________


"If you don't want to be hit in the back of the head, turn around."

Nimmy

didnt go down to well did it wgs

wgs2005

nah dont think he liked the brown love humoured joke

Kaledonia

it just didnt make any freaking sense man!

__________________
"There is no shame in poverty

He who gives his utmost for his goal is a noble person"

- Choi Baedal