You know you've watched too much UFC when...

Drexal · 07-28-2007, 11:13 PM

I saw this on another forum and thought it was hilarious.

Quote:

-when asked you favorite sexual position, you say "back mount."

-you have a vehy distinctive speech impediment that makes you sound like
you're hetarded, and it heally pisses evehybody off.

-it's not "Smoking/non-smoking", it's "gi/no-gi."

-you didn't stand up to collect your high school diploma till you heard
you're entrance music.

-you splice all your sex tapes together and call it a "highlight video."

-you've actually asked somebody "would you rather be g'n'pd by Fedor or high kicked by CroCop?"

-you look at The Rock and mutter "@#%$..."

-your most hated movie is Craddle 2 The Grave.

-when filling a job application, you list "can break an arm in six different places" as a skill you possess.

-when you insult somebody, you call him a "dinky-penus Joe Son nuthugger!"

-when asked what you like most about your body, you answer "my elbows, my knees and my heels."

-you just bought your girlfriend a t-top and g-string from TapOut!

-when someone mentions "ounces", you think of leather.

-before going into a hard final, you write an R on the back of your hands.

-when you beat somebody at pool, you do the gravedigger jig.

-you call your bed "the octagon."

-you think Rolls Royce is a Brazillian car manufacturer.

-Sims is not a computer game, but an @#%$.

-you saw an Abbot and Costello movie thinking it'd be a long lost Tank fight.

-you shave your head because long hair is a disadvantage.

-you insist people call you the"Salt Lake City Badass."

-you don't hit on girls, you "shoot for the takedown."

-You size EVERYONE up right away to decide what would be the best way to "finish" them...

-People with mullets no longer scare you.

-You start to name your pets and children after mma figures

-Also using bjj postioning/holds/subs to achieve dominance in the bedroom dept when doing the wild thing with your girlfriend!!!

-Worrying that your girlfriend will triangle you when you are in the missionary position and put one arm under!

-When watching the Lewis vs Tyson fight you explained to your mates that Lewis would be a 'sucker' for a double leg.

-When you watch tv & see "any" fighting, you tell everyone what "move" they could have used to win!

-You check your footing in the bar to make sure you won't slip if you shuld have to leg kick someone.

-You ALWAYS go for the double underhooks when giving a chick a hug.

-When you explain to you girlfriend that she has you in her open guard while you are having sex.

-When you see a name beginning with R, you instinctively pronounce it with an H in your head.

-You shout instructions to movie characters during fight scenes.

-You think a rear naked choke qualifies as huging your significant other / Everytime you hug your girlfriend from behind, you instinctively apply a rear naked choke.

-Occasionally you will look at peoples legs and imagine the shock on their face if you gave them your hardest Thai kick.

-Whenever a cool song comes on you imagine it being your entrance song.

-Your wife gets pissed off because you scream at Buffy for fighting too fancy and not punching straight

-When your friends play fight and they see you coming they immediately stop before you jump in.

-When you are watching Pride or UFC and my wife who is doing her nails looks up and casually says "He better watch that triangle, and the guys moments later gets locked in a triangle choke to my friends amazement.

-You get upset everytime you watch "hip hop" people "touch gloves" to greet one another.

-You watch a porno and wonder why nobody tries to pass the guard

-You see a man getting mauled by a bear on When Animals Attack and think "Man, the armbar is sooo there!"

-When you have broken your dogs arms twice.

-When you start to forget that spandex does and will always equal HOMO.

-When you wear shirts that say super macho retarded stuff like "tap or snap" fight wear, blood and pain."

-When you forget that MMA is a smaller sport then ping pong and actually think you should "renegotiate"

-You test durability of clothes for grappling, kicking, punching and rolling when you buy them

-Every time someone comes in for a hug you think they are trying to get the clinch...

-When someone asks you if you dance and the only thing you can show them is your "Tito Dance".

OneTwoPunch · 07-28-2007, 11:30 PM

Not bad.

daveyxx · 07-29-2007, 12:11 AM

mmm i watch a lot of mma and this doesnt really work for me. lol.

GeorgeXVX · 07-29-2007, 12:44 AM

Quote:

-Occasionally you will look at peoples legs and imagine the shock on their face if you gave them your hardest Thai kick.

only one that really works for me... i do this a lot!

Cacti45 · 07-29-2007, 01:18 AM

-Whenever a cool song comes on you imagine it being your entrance song.

-You size EVERYONE up right away to decide what would be the best way to "finish" them...

-When you watch tv & see "any" fighting, you tell everyone what "move" they could have used to win!

-Occasionally you will look at peoples legs and imagine the shock on their face if you gave them your hardest Thai kick.

-When you start to forget that spandex does and will always equal HOMO.

I qualify for all of those, during school when im sitting behind someone i always imagine putting them in an RNC.

LinvilleGorge · 07-29-2007, 01:26 AM

-you've actually asked somebody "would you rather be g'n'pd by Fedor or high kicked by CroCop?"

Hell, that's an easy one! I'll take GnP by Fedor without even having to think about it. You could always tap. With a CroCop high kick, you'd be decapitated before you had the opportunity to do anything.

GeorgeXVX · 07-29-2007, 01:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LinvilleGorge

-you've actually asked somebody "would you rather be g'n'pd by Fedor or high kicked by CroCop?"

Hell, that's an easy one! I'll take GnP by Fedor without even having to think about it. You could always tap. With a CroCop high kick, you'd be decapitated before you had the opportunity to do anything.

with a cro cop high kick you wont feel anything though. when you get KOed you just go to sleep.... with Fedors GnP you will have to deal with the pain all day and night.

Osnodon · 07-29-2007, 03:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeorgeXVX

with a cro cop high kick you wont feel anything though. when you get KOed you just go to sleep.... with Fedors GnP you will have to deal with the pain all day and night.

Cro Cop's pain may not be all day and night its depends on when you wake up from it.

wilshaw · 07-29-2007, 04:35 AM

Thats funny man, especially the one about rear naked choke on the girlfriend/wife. thats me all over but then she has caught me with the odd Kenflo style elbow so it's all good.

Nimmy · 07-29-2007, 05:31 AM

id say alot of them apply to me, most of them were a bit repetitive tho..most of them were a bit repetitive tho.. most of them were a bit repetitive tho

IrishMike · 07-29-2007, 08:40 AM

I love all the stuff about the girlfriend! I do a lot of that! Clinching her and landing soft rib-ticklers!!

lwbfl · 07-29-2007, 09:49 AM

Someone's been spying on me!

GeorgeXVX · 07-29-2007, 10:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Osnodon

Cro Cop's pain may not be all day and night its depends on when you wake up from it.

i understand what you are saying but go back to what rampage said about fighting wandy and fighting shogun.

He said he would rather fight wandy because getting knocked out is easy. You just go to sleep and thats it. What shogun did to me was painful and i had to feel it every second.

PrettyBoy · 07-29-2007, 11:17 AM

haha this is pretty funny, quite a few apply to me as scary as that sounds.

fullonshred · 07-29-2007, 02:01 PM

I do find myself wanting to drop a few elbows on folks from time to time. I have big elbows.

LinvilleGorge · 07-29-2007, 02:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeorgeXVX

with a cro cop high kick you wont feel anything though. when you get KOed you just go to sleep.... with Fedors GnP you will have to deal with the pain all day and night.

It wouldn't be getting KO'd that would concern me. I'd be more concerned with the distinct possibility of death! And I'm only marginally kidding.

Bomber · 07-30-2007, 08:31 AM

- You scream "SHOOT... SHOOT!" during boxing matches.

- No matter what kind of fighting you're watching, you say to whoever you're watching with: "That guy wouldn't last two minutes in the octagon."

- You don't say "What?" when someone says MMA, BJJ, RNC, GnP, GSP, BB. KTFO, UD, AA or MFS.

Drexal · 07-30-2007, 12:24 PM

- you have www.fightforum.com as your homepage.

sidewindergunnar · 07-30-2007, 03:02 PM

- No matter what kind of fighting you're watching, you say to whoever you're watching with: "That guy wouldn't last two minutes in the octagon."

haha i like this one, but all of them apply.

earvinarp · 07-30-2007, 03:05 PM

You know you've watched too much UFC when... you cannot list 10 fighters who fight outside of this promotion.